I know he'll never leave his girlfriend, of that I am certain. To be honest I think that I would run a mile if he did but there's something about him that keeps me wanting more, even after eight months, which is completely unheard of for me. Eight weeks is usually the life expectancy I give, any longer and the rocky foundations of something you couldn't exactly call a relationship starts to curdle like off milk. Think of Miranda from SATC and you'll get a vague idea of what I'm like with men!
Let me make this clear, I do not love him, nor have I been having an affair. He was the one who chased me, who pursued me and yes I have flirted, yes I have kissed him and I even regrettably crossed the line six weeks ago when I ended up sleeping with him.
Alcohol + the first and only opportunity = mistake!
No what I think keeps me interested is the fact that he boosts my ego like no man ever has done and the added bonus that he has a girlfriend makes him safe. I don't get any of the hassles that comes with a relationship with him, no I get all the nice things and when I'm done with the flirting and ego boosting, he goes home to his girlfriend and I'm free to continue on with my single life. And although he's a cheat, he has restored my faith in one thing. Not all men are cowards. After sticking up for me and getting himself into trouble after a particularly awkward situation a few months back, I'll admit I was quietly impressed.
All men cheat. I never used to think this until I started working in a pub. Given the opportunity for a quickie whilst the wife is in bed at home, they will take it. What the eye don't see....
I've even had married men try it on with me in that place. I never used to be so cynical and the extent of how cynical I am at only twenty two years ols, scares me quite frankly. I don't believe in marriage, I don't believe that as humans we are designed to settle down with one mate for life and it does make me a little sad. But I would rather be sad than hurt, I would rather be in my position than be the unsuspecting other half, lying in bed and wondering why her man is late yet again!
I think bar work has bought out the realist in me and fantasy world is for those who are lucky, but then if I hadn't have started this job, I would never have met him. I think he'll be in on Friday and this time I'm going to look at him and think 'I'm not going to go back there, no matter what charm tactic you try to use this time.'
Hopefully, anyway......
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