You know that feeling you get where that person you like is in the same room as you?? You don't even have to be talking to him but just knowing he's there means that you're having a better time?? I hold my hands up, I had that feeling tonight when HE was there. Yep that bloke who has a girlfriend, yep that bloke who I slept with, yep that bloke who shall forever remain nameless.
I walked in the pub tonight, twenty minutes before my shift began (any later and I run the risk of not being able to relax with a cuppa and a ciggie beforehand and then all hell would break loose lol!) and I didn't notice him at first. I never look round anymore which is another of my tactics of trying to forget about him. I don't want him to think that I still care although it's obvious that I do – MOAN! Anyway, I walked through the door and behind me I heard a wolf whistle and immediately I knew, because let's face it, who else would do that. Well there is the possibility of the other customer I kissed when I was absolutely drunk on Saturday night but that's a whole other story 
Yeah I hear you all say it, wolf whistling, not exactly the most charming way to grab a girls attention but it grabbed mine because, I realised, that it doesn't matter what he does, I still find him attractive and it's getting to the stage now where I'm annoying myself so I'm sorry to all you readers who think I'm droning. I just can't help myself...
I didn't speak to him after that quick sly smile I gave. I'm finding that tactic quite easy now, avoid his eye-line, make sure I look busy but whilst he's there I'm OK, I still feel in control. And then he left and my mood dropped. I looked at myself in the mirror at work (I am actually being serious here) and thought 'woman, you need to get a grip.' I don't love him, of that I'm sure and I don't want him for myself so what is it? What is it about him that makes me want to do all kind of unspeakable things to him? I sound like some tortured soul in some channel 5 movie that never made it to the cinema in this blog aren't I?? LOL!
Maybe it's sexual frustration? I'm quite reserved in my blogs because who wants to hear about sordid details, really?? That's not what my blogs are about but I think that just maybe that this is my problem. Being a single girl like me is damn hard. I'm scared of the commitment and vulnerability that relationships bring but I'm a red-blooded woman and we have needs. But I'm not the type of girl who wants to pick up strangers and sleep with every Tom, Dick AND Harry. I've tried it when I was younger (that makes me sound ancient he he...) and frankly I don't like it anymore. So I have three choices...
1)get a boyfriend
2)lead a life of celibacy - (crys)
3)get a sex buddy
If only life was more simple...
But then I'd only complain that I was bored...hhhmmmm...
xxx
