Ok, so admittedly I usually leave it longer than a week before updating you lovelies with another chapter of my life. However, seeing as this subject is in keeping with my last one (mucho drunken behaviour!) I thought it was appropriate before the sketchy flashbacks of the night fade completely. Somehow there's one or two, despite all the praying in the world to a god I don't believe in, that I'm sure will be scarred into my memory for life...

One of my best friends (now named Danish) is a mother of two and has a hard time getting nights out. So when she and a few more of us arranged to go out last Saturday, I should have known I would fly straight past tipsy and land in some fuzzy world called twatted. We started off relatively sane, but the first warning sign should have been my usual greediness of not being able to buy a glass of wine, but the whole frigging bottle. OOPS!
And that was just for starters...

Next warning sign? Bumping into a guy I've had a crush on for years (Mr J). Correction, who Blondie and I have had a crush on for years because he happens to be her older brother's best friend. Of course I wandered over to him (and the huge group of friends he was with) and tried to innocently enquire about the comments Blondie and I had shamelessly hit him with the previous week. Bless him though, he was very much a gentleman, telling me not to worry about it and that he could hardly remember himself. Well mate, I was in my familiar land of twatted and I still seem to remember fine... Him and his mates invited our group to follow them onto a club (which shall remain un-named incase I lose my law suit - details later).

Big mistake number one - we followed.
Big mistake number two - I texted Blondie to invite her.
Big mistake number three - she didn't come.

We arrive at said club. It's packed so we walk round trying to find a spare seat. I'm wearing heels and I don't notice a step. The next few seconds felt like minutes. One minute I'm up, the next I'm falling whilst somehow doing the jazz splits, straight at the feet of some dishy looking guy. And when I say fall, I don't mean a modest stumble. I mean 'move out of the way otherwise you are going to get hurt.' The crowd parted!! Like when you see people do it in comedies when some bigshot is trying to crowd surf. Get the picture??? The only saving grace is that Mr J wasn't there to see it. After dishy guy helped me up (sweet!), I fled! I notice a stinging, look down, I've cut all my leg open. (Hence the lawsuit I have yet to start). So I rush to the loo to wash off the blood. By the time I leave, I have one tanned leg and one streaky one. Note to self - wear jeans next time you go out!

We find a table (as far away from the falling over scene as possible), get comfy and pop out for a ciggie. Mr J is there. I wiggle my hips as I walk over, although truth be told I probably waddled, and engaged in a delightful conversation with him where he tells me he likes me. So of course I think it's appropriate to tell him about the teenage crush, and I mean every detail. Someone shoot me now. He tells me to come find him later, we go back in and what's happened? Some skank has run off with my NEW jacket. My night is officially ruined. I take it as a sign. Nothing should happen with me and Mr J. I leave the club with cuts on my very streaky leg, jacketless and very pissed. Mr J and his friend jump in a taxi with me and BS but they jump out on the way. I take that as not a good sign. I could have invited him back I suppose but all I wanted to do at this point was go home and lick my wounds - literally.

Now the thing that pissed me off. Blondie texted me the next morning asking me how my night went. I told her we ended up in a club with Mr J and co, about the tragedy of my leg and my jacket and what do I get? A reply which simply says 'you went to a club with Mr J?' ... no kisses, no mention of said tragedies, just a question which obviously screams, how dare you!! I texted her back explaining no, that there were groups of us and all I did was embarass myself in front of him. She is a selfish person, I'll be the first to admit that but nothing happened! Not even kissing! He's never shown any interest in her, there's no history and despite the fact all she had was a teenage crush, she seems to think she had some sort of hold over him. Hand on heart, if it had been the other way around, I would have wished her luck and said go for it!

And the really annoying thing? She hasn't texted me since.

I'm starting to believe that just like relationships, you can outgrow friendships too..