I have recently made a discovery about myself which finally puts all the old wonderings to rest - I am not girlfriend material.
I can't do nagging, I'm much better being a blokes friend, I can't do nights in, if my friends call they are the people I want to be with, I like casual sex and can't imagine I would ever want to change who I am.
In light of this revelation, I have also discovered that I am perfect mistress material. And playing the mistress, although is not something I'm proud of, seems to just occur naturally with me. I like all the good parts of being with a bloke, but when the light of day comes I want to be both hassle and commitment free.
But I have been misbehaving of late and it's playing on my mind so I thought I'd take the time to get it off my chest and have you nice people to talk some sense into me!

As you all know by now, I have a bit of a habit when it comes to getting involved with customers at the pub. So it should come as no surprise to hear that I have got involved with another one - (uh-oh) who I will refer to as brown eyes. And I always have a habit of picking the ones who already have girlfriends. Actually no, they seem to pick me. In the two years that I have known him, I've always had a sneaky suspicsion that he was interested and although I thought he was a nice looking guy, I never really fancied him. A month ago, that changed. I went out drinking with some friends and he was there. Fast forward a few hours and with bodies brimming with alcohol, about ten of us (some friends and some customers) went back to the house of guy I work with (GIWW). And I can't tell you what happened to set the ball in motion but one minute brown eyes and I are holding hands and the next we are kissing. Flat out on the bed of GIWW whilst the lesbian who tried it on with me (who is now together with my friend Shortie so that's all cool now), stayed in the room at my request so I didn't give in to the total sluttiness of actually have sex with a guy who a) is a customer, b) has a girlfriend and c) has two children with her.
Last week, I stayed for a drink after work and what happened again? Yep more mouth action, at the side of the pub which doesn't have CCTV.
Then last night happened. Shortie and I got drunk together, with brown eyes, the lesbian and an old mate of mine. And the problem is we're getting more careless because this time he had his arm around my waist in the pub. I'm just thankful it was practically empty. But once we left the pub and went back to the lesbians house, it was pratically penetration. By that time I was starting to sober up, so not even the condom I carry in my purse could persuade me to go all the way.

I know what I'm doing is wrong, and each time we're sober we promise each other that nothing will happen again but last night was just too close. I don't want to break up a family and if things stop now then everyone can walk away unscathed. He is not the sort of man to do things like that, believe me I have seen what he's like in the past two years and he never so much as flirts with other women. So why me? What have I allowed?
I know the answer is to not drink at the pub when he is there and I know I should be sensible. It's not like I have any deep feelings for this man and I'm sure that I'm doing it just because he is there.

I promise I am going to start being sensible and walk away. And I hope he does the same!