It's amazing how much fascination my old journals hold for me. I've kept one since 1995 when the ten year old me used to write about boybands and who was my best friend that week.
I came across another today from when I was sixteen. The time when I was "in love" with this guy I had met (obsessed may be a more appropriate word but let's skip the details shall we?) and who ended up breaking my heart. I wrote like I had lost everything and how no man would ever come close to making me feel the way he did. It got me thinking about being a teenager and all the dramas that come with it. Life was all there for the taking and there was this innocence and ability to dream. Everything is new, exciting and heartbreaking at times but most of all - it's possible.

Oh, heartfelt moment there..:)

Now back to my present self. I had another slip with brown eyes - oops :( !! Not so much a major one, nothing had ever gone beyond kissing and a little groping, but a slip all the same. I would divulge details but to be honest everything went a little hazy after the first few glasses of wine. But I am aware that being careless and being tipsy (okay,pissed) come hand in hand and brown eyes and I kissed in PWIW (pub where I work). Yes, in front of my boss and yes, in front of some customers, who believe now that we're "knocking each other off" despite the fact we've told them otherwise. Of course, after a bit of tongue action, it's unheard of not to follow things through! Who are these men that I serve?? But there always has to be one who has the morals of a saint, when it comes to other people anyway. He tried warning brown eyes off and spoke about me like I was a little girl whilst I was still there. Forgive me for being vague but I do believe I said something along the lines of "I'm a twenty-three year old woman so don't patronise me" and ended my one-sided argument with "fuck this, I'm going for a fag" where brown eyes proceeded to follow me and snog my face off.

I promise that that is the last time it ever has or ever will happen. Being so blatant AND having an argument with someone who was trying to make us see sense has had me thanking my lucky stars that his girlfriend never goes in the pub because I ave a sneaky suspiscion that someone will be a daft prick and slip up somehow. Things are still a little awkward but hey, onwards and upwards.

During the eight years since my teenager self wrote the journal I found today, it's experiences like the one with brown eyes that have made me more of a realist in life and have given me lower expectations of what to expect from people, especially men. However, I am pleased to realise that I'm still young enough to have that "anything is possible" attitude. Opportunities are all around us and if we want to do something we should grab the bull by the horns and just do it.
I never thought I could receive valuable advice from a teenager but the sixteen year old girl has taught me that life is full of exciting challenges waiting to happen and that I haven't lost the ability to dream.